Our Lives

Wanted New Women, Wanted New Men!

 It has become so confusing in the 21st century for the New men and the New women. that today in modern countries women and men in a couple seem to fail to understand each other.
      Below is a short historical summary of women and men attempts at relationship during the last six decades.

In the past at least the gospel was clear.
——-In the Fifties: The man was the provider, the protector and the head of the household. If the woman had a career of her own, the man was still the master of his household, the dictator.  A woman was not equal to a man, period.
——In the late sixties and seventies the years of the hippy revolution and the women’s liberation movement, there was a great hope, and the new dogma was that women were or were becoming equal to men. It is extremely important to remember that this was also the era of the victory of the civil rights movement.

It was easy for men of that generation who were married or living with their liberated and beloved partner of the opposite sex because all they had to do in theory was to share domestic chores and bring home an income. There was no longer a need to be the master and condescending protector.

A novel about the late sixties describes a classroom with thirty five seventeen year old students; all girls who were asked by their teacher to write an essay about what their future would look like.

All but one described first a brilliant career and then a family. Only one described a future that would be filled with solely a family and wrote that her only wish was to stay at home with her children in a nice little house cooking and caring for her husband and family. The reaction of the young male teacher and all the other students to her dreams for her future life was outrage.

In short, according to the gospel of relationships in the sixties and seventies if you were an educated and liberated woman you had to be a feminist and your companion had to respect and adapt to this philosophy and it worked! Today couple following these same concepts are enjoying a good relationship.  Again the path for the man to follow was a simple dogma to be followed.

Of course these were the dream years with the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and many others liberating eager crowds as they redefined music, anything became possible, the pill allowed more sexual freedom, traveling far away became affordable and everyone dared to be who they dreamed to be. I was told it was a blast!

—— In the eighties and nineties, the materialistic and selfish years began. Soap operas like Dallas and Dynasty glamorized greed and heroes devoted to selfishness, success at all cost and wealth were the trend. American conservatism began to become more powerful. The dream was no longer about a happy couple making a decent living.  It was about having two or three expensive cars, more expensive TVs and Stereos than you could use, an ultra expensive designer kitchen where no cooking was ever done and credit cards became king and queen and ruled the household.

The male provider regained importance as yuppie households dreamed of excessive amounts of money and women salaries were not at par. The promise and necessity of love and friendship between two participants in a couple became poisoned very quickly by their dreams of unattainable riches and credit card debt.

During this period, it was simple, cave age simple. The more money a man made and overtly showed with his Porsche, boat, mansion and any demonstrations of wealth the more he was able to attract the Dallas-Dynasty women of this era. Sorry it was not a romantic era, and it was very hard for romantic men unable to demonstrate graphic evidence of their wealth to attract the love of their life and the relationship they desired.

——-Today and for the last ten years it has gotten a lot worse: The New man does not exist because the New woman does not exist.
I recently met a beautiful, kind, warm young woman whose) only dream is to have a nice little house in the Hollywood Hills with a nice husband and kids. She is utterly failing to achieve this seemingly simple goal.  She is rejected by all her boy friends as soon as she hints at the possibility of commitment.  She is incredibly unhappy. It was then that I realized that 70% of her friends were like her. They had regressed to the Fifties mentalities and gospel. They want to stay at home and have a family with a man as their protector, but they mask it with their false feminism.

However some men are using the status of women’s equality and the feminist movement to tell them, “I am happy to sleep with you, but there is no reason why I should pay for our or your expenses .” which leads to “We do not need to be in a committed relationship because your are an independant woman and I am an Independant man.” This kind of dialogue happens when love does not exist.

Other men still offer marriage, but they should at the same time have the couple sign post dated divorce papers because in big cities couples do not know how to stay married anymore and men have not a clue how to conduct themselves. 

In the USA some women, a very small minority are still trying to become professionally successful individuals, but their love life is either non existent or a catastrophe.  In Europe, this minority is a little bit bigger, but there are still many who are not in a durable successful relationship.
In the USA couples who embraced the concept of a woman as an equal as it was the gospel in the sixties are successful but they are fewer and fewer.

Maybe a woman and a man living together (lovingly and successfully) for a long period of time is a relic of the past.

PLEASE HELP ME BY DEFINING FOR ME: The New Man and The New Woman and their relationship inside their couple.
Eric Lafayette
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Below is a comment by Vicki Zeitlin that is so interesting that I included it in the corp of my article:

Vicki Zeitlin says:
Hopeless Romantics

I have thought a lot about your article, and concluded that relationships between men and women have always been difficult and demanding particularly for romantics. In each of the decades you described there were expectations of what the ideal relationship might be as well as the roles men and women would fulfill in their partnership, but it is important to remember that ideal behavior of any kind is rarely achieved. There are many reasons for this that relate to economics, individual emotions and unexpected reactions to the challenges and opportunities encountered in life as well as the undeniable differences between men and women regardless of their goals and aspirations. The increased difficulty for romantics has to do with the fact that their emotions are more intense, their dreams more explicit and their desire to fulfill them exactly uncompromising. The search for a perfect romantic love, career satisfaction and relationship security are timeless.

Broken dreams and dreams that come true are also timeless, and it is important to pursue your dreams particularly if you are a hopeless romantic. If you don’t, you will never be satisfied. That is the risk to be taken if you want the most out of life. Just remember that no one gets it all even if it seems some do. Attaining all you desire is an illusion.

Today men’s and women’s roles are more flexible so more choices are possible. In most of the world’s households women have always worked whether they stayed home to take care of their families or worked outside because they wanted to or the family needed additional income. Someone who hasn’t been a stay at home housewife and mother or for that matter husband and father can’t fully appreciate how hard it is or the magnitude of the pleasure and rewards for those who love their work. Now that women and men are theoretically liberated to choose their careers and the type of work they do the choices are greater. With greater freedom to choose comes a far greater need to understand what you want and to accept the responsibility of working to achieve your goals whatever they may be.

Whatever your goals are they can include another person. Healthy loving relationships are possible between self aware people. Romantic love is important but so are shared goals, dreams and a similar world view. Be honest about who you are, where you are and what you want. Be responsible for yourself before you expect another person to take care of you. Believe in yourself and your dreams and some will come true. Then when you are in a relationship be aware that ongoing preventative maintenance will be necessary because life is a long and sometimes perilous journey along a road with potholes. Bumps and unexpected turns will always be easier if you have a beloved and trustworthy hand to hold.

by Vicki Zeitlin  for Democracy blog 

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